About a year ago, around this time…
I was on my 12 weeks maternity leave, still on my chicken diet (we’ll get into that later) and that left me with a lot of time to be at home doing a lot of pondering. I realized that just within that one year period of getting married, getting pregnant and having my baby I had lost myself somewhere along the way. Where was the girl that drowns herself in books after books and was emotionally invested in each characters, the girl who had about 10 steps to her skin care and the girl who spent hours writing that her brother thought she was doing some major online dating. I had stopped doing what I love and I now had become a person with no hobby. ZERO!
Being married, becoming a wife and daughter-in-law shouldn’t stop me from doing what I enjoy. It shouldn’t change me to become a whole different person that even I, myself don’t recognized. It should instead shape me to become someone better, at least that’s what I think. So I sat down and thought about what happened along the way. There were days where I cried in the shower and sat alone in parking lot in some park and I knew that that’s not what I want for the rest of my days and I honestly missed everything that I used to be. I knew I wasn’t going to just let go of everything that defined who I am.
I haven’t picked up a book in over a year, haven’t written any of my short stories or used my sewing machine. All my books and laptop were starting to collect dusts and my sewing machine was probably starting to rust and every time I see them it hurt my heart. My baby is one year and one month now and I thought that if I don’t start doing something about it now I will live to regret it for the rest of my days. So, here I am trying to figure out this life one day at a time. This mommy life is a lot of hard work and takes a lot of time, but I’m willing to learn and I’m going to make it fun while I’m at it.
I’ll never be a well known author or a famous designer, but at least I have time to make a fancy rice porridge and not just any porridge. It’s instant porridge. When the slow and simple life that you want but can’t have, there’s always fancy instant rice porridge in this fast pace life.
I’m hoping to find myself again in this blog.